Wufei's Nosebleed
by rjones2818
Summary: Why does Wufei get nosebleeds? Yaoi, 1x2, 3x4 Rated for sexual situations


Wufei's Nosebleed  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own GW, Wufei's nosebleed (whoever came up with the schnoz idea: Thanks a million times over) or the reason for said nosebleed (which I read about in a piece of fiction several years ago, although in that case abundant sneezing was the result). I'm doing this for fun...sort of.  
  
Wufei Change waited patiently in the doctor's office for the results from the tests. The final straw in his struggle with his bloody nose happened just four days before. The Chinese pilot had come back from a mission a day early, which was rare for him. He had walked into the den of Quatre's safe house and found Heero and Duo engaged in various sordid physical activities with each other. Needless to say, Natuku's pilot raced for the first box of tissue he could find and managed to stop the flow of blood reasonably quickly.   
  
Deciding that the lounge would be safer, Wufei headed in that direction. He even was reasonably happy, because there was a wall sized video screen there. Entering the room, he saw a standing, naked and sweaty Trowa holding and equally naked and sweaty upside down. Then Wufei noticed that their mouths were – ummm- let's see – full. The blood began to drip through the tissue in his nose as he ran toward his room. This time, it took nearly 20 minutes to stop the flow.  
  
Wufei's loss of blood was beginning to make him light headed as he sat in front of his television. He smiled, though, as he grabbed his favorite video disc 'My Little Pony meets Gijorah.' His smile faded quickly as he saw that homemade video had been copied over his precious video. In it, the other four pilots were laying in a circle with their legs over their head. Just the sight of their naked forms started his nose bleeding again. However, he then saw the final horror: Each had one of his beloved dragons from the 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' action figure collection (it had taken Wufei five years to find the entire collection as they were made of various precious metals and gems) and they were using them as – as dildos. Wufei, who was sitting on his recliner, fainted on the spot. If Quatre wouldn't have come rushing into his room, for whatever the sordid reason that he and Trowa had devised, Wufei would have bled to death in an most unseemly manner.  
  
When Chang awoke, he was in a hospital bed, and he found out how he had arrived there. The other four pilots had explained to his doctors about the recurring nature of his nosebleeds and their concern had led to the tests, which results he was awaiting now.  
  
"Ah, Mr. Chang. We have the results of your tests. Would you please come to my office?" Wufei's doctor was in his sixties and was portly and kind. He was also ugly. Wufei had decided this was the hospital's way of helping him from having to experience his condition again. The young pilot followed the physician.  
  
"My young man," the doctor began after they had both been seated, "you have an exceedingly rare condition. We had suspected this as the cause when your friends explained your predicament. It happens about one time in every 100,000,000 live births. It is rare enough that very little study has been obtained in it."  
  
Wufei looked up at the doctor and asked "Then how can you be so sure of the cause?"  
  
"Observation, my dear boy. As well as specialty. You see, I'm not a nose specialist."  
  
"Then why do they have you working on me?" Wufei was aghast.  
  
"Because I am a specialist. A reproductive specialist. Specifically, a male reproductive specialist."  
  
Wufei blinked his eyes three times in quick succession and then looked at the doctor incredulously. "What are you saying?"  
  
"Mr. Chang, your nasal passage is partially lined with penile tissue."  
  
Wufei, doing his best imitation of Heero, could only go "Hn?"  
  
"I know it sounds strange, and to be honest it is. But it is not life threatening. All you have to do is avoid sexual arousal and you won't get the nosebleeds!"  
  
Wufei growled "And how am I supposed to do that? I'm a young man at the height of his sexual vigor."  
  
The doctor looked at Wufei and held out his hand. With his other hand he used two fingers to act like scissors and made a cutting motion. With his outstretched hand he acted like he caught something, which he then pretended to throw over his shoulder.  
  
Wufei thought for the moment, and then the implication dawned on him. He could only manage a very loud "Eeeeeep!" as his hands covered between his suddenly crossed legs.  
  
The doctor smiled and said "Fortunately, there is a non-surgical alternative, we think. There is a local anesthetic that is used for chronic arousal. We're are reasonably certain that it can be used as an aerosol. The amount that would be needed to handle your problem shouldn't have any negative effects upon your libido. It'll be a bit on the expensive side, but...."  
  
"I'll take it. I'll take it. I couldn't take loosing my Chinese Passion Fruits" Wufei begged.  
  
"We have a sample ready for you, then. You may pick it up at the hospital pharmacy. You do have insurance, Mr. Chang?"  
  
Wufei smiled at the doctor and said "Quatre Winner's my insurer. Any questions?"  
  
"You're covered then. And we have explained to your friends what has happened."  
  
Wufei started to turn beet red. "Why did you do that?"  
  
"It seemed reasonable at the time. And they promised to be less, ummm, obvious in their activities."  
  
Wufei nodded and left the doctor's office. After he had gotten his medicine, he returned to the Winner safe house. When he entered the home, he did not see anyone and headed toward the den. As he reached the television, the lights suddenly came on and the other four pilots all shouted "Welcome home, dick nose!" Wufei smiled at the actions of his friends as he reached for his kitana, for things were back to normal.  
  
-End Story- 


End file.
